Popular jokes

Knock-Knock Jokes:

• Knock knock.

  • Who's there?
  • Lettuce.
  • Lettuce who?
  • Lettuce in, it's cold out here!

• Knock knock.

  • Who's there?
  • Figs.
  • Figs who?
  • Figs the doorbell, I've been knocking all day!

Why Did the...? Jokes:

• Q: Why don't scientists trust atoms?

  • A: Because they make up everything!

• Q: Why did the bicycle fall over?

  • A: Because it was two tired!

• Q: Why did the scarecrow win an award?

  • A: Because he was outstanding in his field!

• Q: Why don’t eggs tell jokes?

  • A: They’d crack each other up.

One-Liners:

• I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!
• What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
• Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.
• I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.  
• Why did the coffee go to the police? It got mugged.

Puns:

• I tried to explain to my four-year-old what a pun is. He just gave me a blank stare. No pun in ten did.
• What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
• I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

Situational/Observational Jokes:

• A guy walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia. The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you!"
• Two windmills are standing on a wind farm. One asks, "What's your favorite kind of music?" The other replies, "I'm a big metal fan."  

Animal Jokes:

• What do you call a lazy kangaroo? Pouch potato.
• Why don’t birds fly to South Africa in the winter? It’s too tweet.
• What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.

Slightly More Complex Jokes:

• A man walks into a pet shop and asks for a wasp. The shopkeeper says, "We don't sell wasps." The man replies, "But you've got one in the window!"
• A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."

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By Jerry Ramonyai